Just wanted to pop by and let you know, I'm grateful you watch me. I'm going to study all summer and hope to improve and impress you all some more! Wish me luck!

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- You Can Now Commission Me!
See Journal for prices and Gallery for examples! -

Dir En Grey = Life.

Dollfie Kamui : ~KamuiSyryn
Shop: ~HiddenxDreams

Took you long enough! D:<

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I choose to walk the path of twilight, I choose to stay in the twilight, the twilight is what chose me.

Hi Keeper

Awesome gallery!.. and see you around

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Sanity Is Just Insanity On A Break

Again, no problem. I was happy to help.

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I choose to walk the path of twilight, I choose to stay in the twilight, the twilight is what chose me.

Hey man, thought i'd stop by and say thanks for the awesome drawing

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your a bigger loser then the Washington Generals


and i'm a bigger winner then the Harlem Globetrotters

Believe it!

Underworld if we want to get technical, but that's be sides the point. And goth was the word I was looking for.

And both you and I think along similar pages as far as the progress and process thing goes. I'd give examples but that would be telling... If it wasn't my fear of spoiling Will would have gotten a LOT more screen time with a lot more attacks, some original and some taken form some place else. I'd rather let my story and my originality when I get it out talk for itself.

My version of the Underworld is one part Spawn, one part Buffy and the last part with just some good old fashion logic and humor thrown in so its not some big old corny soap opera. All and all for the monster types out there that live in the Underworld(vampires, werewolves ect) I try to go for the anti sort of stereotypes approach that we humans have in our heads from them.

BTW up for a opinion question of mankinds nature, we could do it though notes if you're up for it.

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You fool! You've doomed us all!

Correction, I've doom all of you. I assure you that I will be quite safe. Have fun dying!

Well, my characters aren't emo, but goth. Yet, lets not steer in that direction.

Now, you say your view of Hell in your story is merely a regular Earth, but with a lack of morality. I can understand that, and now that you provided me with the information that the two merely fought to see who could best who, I'll just drop my last comment. And true, Rose and Lucifer do come from different directions. When Lucifer is faced with a obstacle, it's life-threatening. As for Rose, I wouldn't know as she's not my character. Lastly, the idea of becoming stronger than the other person is just overrated. I have my characters survive and live, progress and process, kill and be killed. How I go at it is what they're given is all they can do, unless, in Lucifer's case, a slight progression in their power occurs. If you were to keep equipping the character with constant abilities, you loose your room of creativity for the passed power.

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I choose to walk the path of twilight, I choose to stay in the twilight, the twilight is what chose me.

Well Rose is a woman, so it makes sense that she would be a little more aware of her surroundings then Lucifer might.

That and in the Underworld society bit I have worked out demon like charters are not as... for lack of a better word emo (no offense dude) as you own versions might be, they have a more human based way of life but with more looser morals then you or I might have. Really it's mankind with our narrow way of thinking that are the real demons.

All and all I get where you're coming from but I think that both Rose and Lucifer would be fighting under different situations, neither cousin was aiming to kill, so it should make sense that they would react differently would it not? I could go on but I would have to spoil just about everything i have planned, all and all I think that line shows that even with as hectic as things have gotten in Rose's like she has still retained a good bit of humanity within herself.

here is what most of my OCs are in a nut shell. They do NOT at any real point become better then the cannon charters (think of the GT cast as gold as my OCs as silver), they have a life and really at the end of the day just want to continue it, and lastly my OCs are MORE then willing to admit their clichés up front and really if anything they're realistic as for as their approach to life goes.

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You fool! You've doomed us all!

Correction, I've doom all of you. I assure you that I will be quite safe. Have fun dying!

There's a scene I plan to add in my story with Lucifer fighting in his birthday suit. You think he would care for his appearance when the King of the Abyss, Abaddon is after him? I say not.

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I choose to walk the path of twilight, I choose to stay in the twilight, the twilight is what chose me.

Well if she had not done anything the outfit would have fallen apart most likely at some point in the battle and then Rose would have been all but nude in front of a cousin that hates her guts. >< Not exactly flattering, So really Rose was just thinking ahead. No point in fighting a battle in your B day suite right?

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You fool! You've doomed us all!

Correction, I've doom all of you. I assure you that I will be quite safe. Have fun dying!

There you have, merely increase the amount of detail put into your character's spells and their affects. Your fans will approve of the idea, I'm sure. As for the appearance comment, it was the part with her reaper rob. The complaint you put into Rose's thoughts made me think, well, less of her character and the impression that her image mannered more over the situation she was in. If I was against a demonic, armored demon, I would care less of my clothes and concentrate on impaling the boy with his own weapons, or merely survive the battle. Destractions are what the opponent wants from their enemies. Rose isn't helping her condition when acting like that.

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I choose to walk the path of twilight, I choose to stay in the twilight, the twilight is what chose me.

Disregard the most recent comment, did not know you were talking about A vs D. Which you're more then right about the looks bit but that was just a more Mary Sue type of battle if anything less, that and she was fighting a MUCH weaker angel.

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You fool! You've doomed us all!

Correction, I've doom all of you. I assure you that I will be quite safe. Have fun dying!

What your saying makes sense, as far as the attacks go they are just spells, but it's mostly a matter of writting them out. And overly concerned over her appearance how excatly?

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You fool! You've doomed us all!

Correction, I've doom all of you. I assure you that I will be quite safe. Have fun dying!

Fair, but I always enjoyed battles with struggle in them. Fine example, but please excuse the egoistic thing I'm about to do, would be my character Lucifer Stephenson. His powers are to take body injuries and transform them into a encrusted armor of blood, which is typically covered with spikes and prickles. Though, despite the advantage and maturity of his power, his enemies usually have the upper-hand against him. This is usually given in the form of his power being weakened by bludgering weapons; smash in the spikes and they go through both his armor and human flesh. Such a thing gives the boy horrific pain beyond human comprehension. Again, don't find this as me showing off my character, I merely give example. Also, I try giving a style to your character's attacks. Lucifer, for example, are acrobatic, yet quick and vicious. He's preference to fighting is to end it soon and quickly relief himself of his power as it has the effect to take him over. I only give this to you because when I read about Rose's attack sequences, she acted rather predictably and seemed overly concerned over her appearance than focusing on the battle. I should read more in order to make my point more valid, but I believe you can, even if it's partly or little, agree with this.

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I choose to walk the path of twilight, I choose to stay in the twilight, the twilight is what chose me.

The advice is appreciated but I'm fairly sure I already had that in the story in the first place, but that might be me.

And this WAS a one shot, was not meant to be something overly epic. And this IS the supernatural so it's supposed to somewhat resemble anime battle, the major flaw for this one was that it I put too much into the back stories such as the Gravechill which was more or less a summery as you said.

Compare Relative Rematch to another one shot of mine called angel vs devil [link] The difference between the two is lucid to anyone. A and D is shorter and dose more of that emotional stuff then R and R has.

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You fool! You've doomed us all!

Correction, I've doom all of you. I assure you that I will be quite safe. Have fun dying!

Your battles seemed closely to a typical anime battle: different attacks and a few environment-based ones. I do the same, but with a more detailed style. Griddles's battles, from whatever I can remember, are found with a similar way I do mine, but with more emotional feelings from the characters that fight; such as how he describes the feeling Bell gets from a harsh blow to the stomach, when done in by Barasia. As for words, I try building up the action with something calm and social, than just descriptions of the characters and environment. It felt as though I was reading a summary more than a story. But, like before, I mean that not out of offense.

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I choose to walk the path of twilight, I choose to stay in the twilight, the twilight is what chose me.

fair enough, truth be told odds are I could have gone well past 10,000 words but this was my first document that ever went past 4,000 so it was bound to tax anyone. Odds are I would have most likely added more to the Gravechill story as well as more attack spells.

And trust me this was only a one shot, a simple somewhat thin action plot of two beings killing each other with magical powers of doom. It's the action scenes I mostly focused on for this one.

This is coming from someone who a few months ago could barley go past 600 words so I for one see a HUGE improvement that and I'm still working on getting myself an beta reader so the small misspelling and grammar errors you saw would most likely be fixed. I assure you if I knew what they where then they wouldn't be there. With the stuff I have worked out in my mind I could very well become an non one sided fight(you have to admit that he dose tend to favor his own over a fair battle) fantasy version of Griddles, seeing as how most of my ideas more or less rips his off at one point or another.

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You fool! You've doomed us all!

Correction, I've doom all of you. I assure you that I will be quite safe. Have fun dying!

To be blunt, I can't really get a feel for the story. Maybe it's just not my cup of tea. :/

Nevertheless, you're weclome.

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I choose to walk the path of twilight, I choose to stay in the twilight, the twilight is what chose me.

Thank you, and I always look for good criticism like yours. Although I would suggest trying to read all of it if you ever get the chance to get the full feel for the story.

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You fool! You've doomed us all!

Correction, I've doom all of you. I assure you that I will be quite safe. Have fun dying!

I didn't read all of it, so I'll be blunt with that part. Aside some grammar mistakes, spelling ones, and a slight bit of delaying sentences; it was fairly written. The fight sound pretty intense, but many writers can do that, if time's given. To put it quickly, I'll say: from a scale 1 to10, I give it a 8. It's good considering the critism Griddles gave to your earlier works (I checked comments made by him.), but to me, there's still plenty of room for improvement.

I say this not out of offense, but as a fellow amature writer passing constructed critism onto another.

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I choose to walk the path of twilight, I choose to stay in the twilight, the twilight is what chose me.

[link] Figured if you had some time on your hands and you were in the action reading mood that you could check out a one shot of mine, please put any and all thoughts in the submitted document.

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You fool! You've doomed us all!

Correction, I've doom all of you. I assure you that I will be quite safe. Have fun dying!

Thanks for stopping

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when the world thinks your paranoid, you just know the world out to get you
SDL:TCG official home -> [link]

Trust me, Pit would have put up WAY more of a fight then your thinking off, not that I'm offended or anything. He was good enough to get into brawl after all, just saying.

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You fool! You've doomed us all!

Correction, I've doom all of you. I assure you that I will be quite safe. Have fun dying!

No problem, besides pansy versus kickass would've never mixed.

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I choose to walk the path of twilight, I choose to stay in the twilight, the twilight is what chose me.

Well thanks for the input, much appreciated. And a rematch seems more cooler anyhow.

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You fool! You've doomed us all!

Correction, I've doom all of you. I assure you that I will be quite safe. Have fun dying!